Long time no see, lover!

Wow, it has been a while since I've posted anything.

Where to start?  Well, at the beginning of the year we left that shitty small town behind.  We travelled South, visiting big cities and small towns alike. We lived out of our car, in a tent, in free parkland campsites and small-fee caravan spites.  We liked a lot of places, but eventually, travel time was over (money was running out, and I was soooo over sleeping in a tent most nights) We settled somewhere.

I started working at a new club.  That went well.  I'm still there now, and I have about 9 month's worth of stories to get down here.

Hubs settled well into his role of stay at home dad, and he is still home with our little one most of the time.  He has literally become the house husband.  Him and bubs have a weekly routine now, and he does so much of the cooking in this household that if he stopped, I'd probably starve.
*Amazing side benefit : I almost never do the dishes nowadays.

Bubs is amazing, I need to dedicate a whole couple posts to her to bring you all up to speed. But for now, the part of my life that I'm itching to write about tonight:

the stripping.

I've been working at the same club since February.  Its one of the most well-known club in Australia, unlike the Northern clubs that I started at.  Its in a bigger city, and its the flashiest, fanciest strip club in that city.  The standards for the girls are the strictest, and it tends to be the busiest club in the strip, on any given night.

Its also the only club I have danced at that requires you to audition first.
What does a strip club audition look like, you ask?

like this:

When I started, it was middle of summer.  Money was better than up North, not as good as Gladstone, but better than my last two regular clubs. Plus, at this place we have the added bonus of being open 7 days a week, which meant any night could be money night.

Then autumn came, and winter.  Things slowed down. Drastically.   However, by working 4-5 nights a week I managed to support us financially, get us approved for a rental home, and save for a trip back home to see my family.  And now its summer again! Yaaaay $800 Tuesdays! Yaaaay $5,000 weeks.  Yaaaay feeling like I am at the top of my game, and in my total element at my home club.  Yaaaay progress!

But it wasn't all sunshine and raining money from the second floor balcony.  And that's where all the great stories come from anyways right?  From the shitty nights where there is nothing to do but sit around and talk shit with the girlies and watch someone get so drunk they do something hilarious. Like fall off the pole.  Many of those to come...

Stick around ;)

What a Strip Club Audition Looks Like

-You show up at the club an hour before opening.  The lights are mostly still out, the door's locked, and the red carpet isn't rolled out yet. This means the alleyway leading to the club looks sketchy and damp.  You wait outside the locked door with another girl or two, who avoid eye contact, and look down at their mobiles, fake eyelashes casting bizarre shadows in the screen light.

-You are let in by a glassy, or a half dressed bouncer.

-You wait around just inside the lobby a bit more.  You aren't sure where to sit, and maybe you make eye contact with the other girls, and smile briefly as you realize everyone's here for the same thing.  Everyone wants a job.  You hope you have brought the right stuff to wear Eventually, dance manager shows up (DM henceforth), the required 15 minutes late, Starbucks coffee in hand.  The other hand is holding....a clipboard? Sexy.

-DM points out the stage, takes the group of you backstage together, and says this:
"One at a time, wait for the music to start, come out in an outfit, show us your moves and get naked, in one song."

(Let me tell you something: It takes bravery to get naked in front of a room full of drunk rowdy customers in a dimly lit room.  It takes steel-encased OVARIES to get naked in a room full of two women holding clipboards with all the lights in the damn place on and the dj watching for shits and giggles.)

But, one after another, you will all make your way out, stumble through a semi-awkward experience, and climb back offstage sweating and grateful that hell yes, its over! 

-Manager arrives backstage as you are dressing yourself back into street clothes, chatting happily with the two girls who had previously been too enthralled in pre-audition nerves to make conversation.  (You three will now share a special bond, having the same starting night, the same audition date, and the same level in the club hierarchy initially.)  Aaaannd....congrats! You all got the job.

-What were you worried about, anyway?